I've actually been kind of down. My sister is pregnant, and my brother has been accepted to graduate school in Ireland. I'm really happy for them, but at the same time, I'm settling for a job that will probably be a really good experience, but isn't quite what I was hoping for, we still haven't had an offer of settlement from the wreck, so all that's in limbo, and it's getting close to a year of trying to conceive, and I'm starting to worry something might be wrong. The second phone call I got today, after my brother telling me he'd been accepted to the University of Limerick, was from the anesthesiologist's office. They won't accept a letter from my attorney, if they don't get their money in 9 days, they're turning the $62 over to a collections agency.
I put the check in the mail, but the whole thing really soured my day. I'm really fighting the urge to say to hell with it and stay in bed all day.

Taking the Plunge

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I'm finally going to run a game. I'm going to run a 2-3 week mini-game of Legend of the Five Rings. Think samurai wuxia with magic and demons. I'm going to write up all the characters in advance, because character creation takes forever, and I'm pretty sure Neale and I have the only copy of the core book. Not to mention there are certain characters that will be very important for what I want to do, and that seemed like the best way to make sure that the characters would be useful. After all, a courtier who's a master of Go and ikebana would be an oni snack. Someone is already bitching, but he can kiss my ass. Or get a core book, make a character, and if it won't work, something will kill him.

Now to make my master villains, mwa ha ha!



I didn't think I'd come up Dragon clan, but ok.

The Product of a Political Conversation With My Husband in the Shower

I know what the Democratic party needs to do to fix our country. I admit it, I'm pretty much a Democrat, mostly because I know a third party has as much chance of national success as hell's hockey team in the Olympics, but after the corporate mouthpiece that Texas sent to Congress railed against the "shakedown" of BP, I think the Republican party is a lost cause.

So, Step 1: learn from the Republicans. There are two parts to this, the first being the formation of the party line and, um, inspiration for people to toe it. The Republican party is great at pulling ranks behind everything, which doesn't mean everybody needs to speak out in support of everything, but if you can't say something nice, shut the hell up. The more hard-core liberal branches of the party, particularly ones that are really into social issues just need to be assured that their issues will be treated with respect, but right now, there are more pressing issues, like getting people back to work, and the party would appreciate their support, but can the sabotage. People like Blanche Lincoln need to be told to support the President's initiatives, or don't count on party support come election time, period.

The second part is, stop giving the Republican spin machine ammunition. The Democratic party needs to re-brand itself (really, get back to its earlier position under FDR) as the party of working people, not unions, but middle-class working folks. They need to push reforms that would make things fair for regular people, get people back to work, make employers treat their people decently, make health care and insurance affordable, NATIONAL PAID MATERNITY LEAVE (seriously, IRAQ has more enlightened maternity policies than we do), and push the social issues (same-sex marriage and abortion) to the back burner. They can even pull a Republican and say they want to respect the rights of the states to make their own policies. The big reason I think there are so many red states in the South and midwest is because there really are some people here who will vote for the candidate who says what they want to hear about abortion, or marriage. Like the Kansas farmers who vote for the party that supports the very agribusiness machine that is putting the small family farm out of business, I really think some of them would vote for the second coming of Hitler if he said abortion was wrong. Some people don't listen to anything a candidate says, except for their pet issue. Sad, but true. No matter how reasonable the Democrats try to make that kind of social agenda, it's going to bite them every time, so don't go there. Quite frankly, I'm not nearly as concerned about either of those issues as I am about the fact that individual health insurance with a pregnancy rider could cost 25% of my annual income.

I had thought this might be the month when things turn around, but no. I've finally reached the "depression" phase of dealing with crap. I'm fighting it, and doing things I don't particularly feel like doing, like leaving the house, just because I'm afraid that if I don't, it will be the first step down the slippery slope to spending days on end in sweats or pajamas and not showering until Neale makes me. It would just be really nice if one thing I start would not turn to shit. Just one.

I'm not sorry to have lost the job. It had gotten to the point where the only things that made me happy about going to work anymore were the times when kids asked me to sit with them while they did a work, and I was actually able to take them up on it. That, and the random hugs, those are awesome. But in general, I was incredibly frustrated by decisions that made no sense to me, and basic philosophical differences. Neale has called me a disciple of Jamie Oliver, but that's not true. If I'm a disciple of anybody, it's Barbara Kingsolver, she was championing the local/slow food movement first. So the hot lunch as "whatever cheap frozen or canned crap we can find at Wal-Mart" was pretty much anathema to me. Half the time the "vegetarian" option had to be fixed, because often the labels weren't read. Ranch-style beans, besides being disgusting, contain rendered beef fat, just fyi.

But I'm incredibly frustrated by the job search. I've filled out about 4 online applications, and sent out a dozen resumes. The places I want to work, with one exception, aren't hiring, and the places that are hiring......well, you know how people complain teachers don't get paid enough? I would have been making at least $4,000 more if I had been working in a public school, and the jobs I've been offered would have involved a pay cut between 10% and 30%, and I doubt some of them include benefits. The worst part? I was offered my ideal job, for a fantastic salary, the only drawback being the lack of insurance, and the offer was withdrawn, I don't know why.

The summer off? Pretty much ruined. So far, I've spent the past two weeks looking for a job, doing homework for an Arkansas history class, in hopes that it will help me get a job, and doing yard work/cleaning house. The yard work and house cleaning are the only things that were on the original agenda. So far, all the garb I bought patterns and supplies for? Barely started. The sweater I bought the yarn and needles for? Sitting in my yarn tubbie.

I probably should go back on the pill, but I won't. After 8 months, I refuse to. Damn it, after everything that's happened, after the accident, and the surgery, and the job, I'm not going to prevent the one thing that I would absolutely put up with all this crap for. That's also a major factor in the job I'm seriously considering, of all the ones I know I have a shot at. I don't want to say anything yet, because that will surely jinx it. It's not quite what I want, but it's still working with kids, has the potential to be very rewarding, has decent benefits, and I'm fairly sure the maternity policy, if I happen to get pregnant in the next few months (I'm hoping) is unlikely to be "FMLA applies after a year." It's interesting what you find out when businesses post their employee handbooks online. I assume the unwritten part of that is "don't get pregnant until you've been here a year," which is like saying "don't get sick," or "don't let your grandma die until you've been here x amount of time." All of that is absurd, because let's face it, life happens. The fact that companies seem to think they don't have to accommodate the fact that their employees have lives astounds me.

I would think that the SCA might, at least, be somewhat of a refuge from everything going to shit, but no. Yesterday was supposed to be a joint A&S day for the Barony and Southtower, but that failed miserably. It was a nice day, there was a pretty decent turnout, but the great unifying day it was not. It was just like the previous Southtower A&S days, except there was a slightly lower turnout. There were 4 people from the Barony proper. I give up. I quit. I refuse to clear weekends to host stuff for people to avoid. I guess the only people who want to show up for anything are the fighters. Yeah, Birthday Bash was this weekend, but I know there are plenty of people who stayed home. I know the Baron and Baroness couldn't come because they're dealing with life issues right now, but I'm not getting any support from anyone else. Nobody from my household showed up, none of the officers showed up, the seneschal didn't show up. I quit.

I was doing so well. I had an entire month, which includes spring break, before the next run of events. I had cut out Neale's under tunic and new dress tunic. I had started trying to cut out a cothardie, then realized that I didn't have enough material, but I could use that material for Neale's jerkin. I was going to go look at a site for the candlelight bid, and I should have a Star Trek uniform for Mid South Con.

Then, some jerk made a left turn across traffic into my lane. Now, my car is totaled. My wrist is broken, and I have a friction burn on my face. I have to have surgery to replace a shattered bone with a metal plate. I will miss an entire month of work.

But I'm lucky. I have the best husband in the world, who has been nothing short of wonderful. My family has been fantastic. My friends have been wonderfully kind and supportive.

I'm not where I wanted to be. I am frustrated at not being able to use my right hand, but I will be ok.

It's really, really frustrating to arrange your schedule around something that you're doing for other people, only to have nobody show up. I don't know if it's a symptom of some of the political crap that's going on in the barony right now, or if people are getting tired, or if I was wrong, and people really don't want to have monthly Saturday project days. I know there are some people who were sick, I know some went to fighter's collegium, but I know that doesn't cover everyone.

On the plus side, one of the 2 people who did show up helped me fix the jerkin I'm making for Neale, and we generally had a nice evening. My grandparents brought me the dining room table that my great-grandfather built, which I love and am happy to have, and I'm glad I have it without anything bad happening to my grandparents, but at the same time, this doesn't belong in my house, it belongs in Grandma's house, and it's kind of weird.

Neale woke up sick this morning, we think with food poisoning. That has NOT been fun for anyone. Candlelight camp, my favorite local event, has been canceled. Supposedly because it wouldn't draw enough people, and the barony would lose lots of money on it. I think that's an excuse, but that's just me. I'm trying to save it, and I'm putting a bid together. I was supposed to go with Kat to look at a site, but I think I need to stay home and take care of Neale, so I'm going to do it on Thursday instead. Not what I'd planned to do with my monthly half day, but that's how it goes.

I finished the shawl! And, once again, I've had snow days. Still snowed in, unexpectedly, for 2 days, but this time, it was Monday and Tuesday. I don't know about tomorrow, the streets are still wet and slushy in places, and the temperature is supposed to drop to 19 or 20 degrees tonight, so I may wake up to ice-covered streets and a snow day, but more likely, we'll have a delayed start if anything.

Anyway, the shawl still has to be blocked (I forgot to do that today), but it's done. I've done a little more on the quilt, but I spent most of today reading and drafting the pattern for Neale's new jerkin. It's kind of hard to describe. Vest with a skirt? Henry VIII wore them, but usually under a "gown" (big swing-coat thing), so it's hard to tell what they look like. He requested sleeveless this time around, which I know is probably supposed to be worn over a doublet with sleeves, but he gets hot, it's Arkansas, not Ireland. I bought some gray cotton, and I'm going to make one out of that, and then order royal blue linen for the one for coronation. Since I drafted the pattern myself from a little picture in a book, I want to make the trial one out of $2/yard cotton, and save the $7/yard linen until I know it'll be right. I'll give the shirt one more chance, if it doesn't work out, he can buy one from Elaina, if he wants a new one. I really want to do this right, and actually end up with nice garb for coronation. I'm leaving mine until close to the event, because I want to make sure it fits. I'll probably make my dress over spring break. I'm thinking of a better version of my original dress, royal blue with a red petticoat. I'm not going to do the pale blue lining this time, to make it lighter. I'd like to make a leine, but we'll see.